Manipulation

Did you ever have that feeling like you were being watched? The feeling where your spidey-senses tingle, and the hair stands up on the back of your neck? Did you ever have that same feeling while you were asleep? The feeling that is so strong, that your spidey-senses actually wake you up out of a stone-cold sleep? You are so convinced that someone is there, that you actually sit up in bed and look wildly around your room, fully expecting someone to be there. Well, this is how I wake up. EVERY MORNING. Sometimes in the dead of NIGHT:

Sometimes, it is just Heidi.

Sometimes, it is just Shelby.

Sometimes they double-team me.

And this is what they look like when it happens in the dead of night. (Night Vision)

People who are familiar with herding dogs (and dogs in general) are aware of something called the "eye". It is that very intense, unwavering stare that herding dogs give to stock to help bend them to their will. To the stock, it looks as if they were being stalked by a fearsome predator. This is how a 35 lb. Border Collie can move a flock of sheep numbering in the hundreds, or a steer that can weigh in the hundreds of pounds. Its amazing to see a dog with a lot of natural "eye" work; they hardly have to do anything at all besides look at the stock to get them moving along. Now, Border Collies are famous for their "eye". The other herding breeds, however, tend to be more "loose eyed". Sure, you can have a Sheltie or an Aussie with a hard eye, but mostly they use other means of their herding prowess to get the stock to do what they want. This is why so many of them (*cough* SHELTIES*COUGH*) bark so much. They use their loud (and annoying...) voices to get what they want.

And although Shelties are proficient herders

(though not my girls, which is proven by this picture of Heidi with sheep:)

Shelties are not known for their "herding eye". But they do have quite another talent. They have the "Sheltie MANIPULATION eye". This is the stare that they use to bend their HUMAN STOCK to their will. THIS is the reason that I wake up every morning the way that I do. Examples of the "Manipulation Eye" are:

The scenario usually goes like this:

I am sleeping. Usually deeply. I awake from a particularly nice dream where I have won the lottery because I have that "you're being watched" feeling. I jerk violently awake, and see EYES a few inches away from my face. Luckily, it has happened so often now that I no longer fall out of bed in a heap of tangled blankets, cursing my "angels" violently. I usually just close my eyes, or roll over and try to go back to sleep. But then, their OTHER ways of manipulation start:

Heavy breathing: there is NO WAY that it gets hot enough to have to start panting in the span of a few seconds. I KNOW that you are just panting so that I have to listen to you, and feel the bed moving up and down at a quickened pace.

Smacking Lips: You do not have peanut butter, or some other sticky substance suddenly stuck to the roof of your mouth, or on your lips. There is no need to sound like a couple of 13 year-old's making-out for the first time. I know that you have started to do this because the panting has not worked.

Yawning: I know that going through your bag of manipulation tricks is exhausting, but I do not think that you are so tired that it is necessary to yawn 7 times in a row. And, as an added note, when you make extra noise ("Arooooo") when you yawn, it doesn't make it more satisfying. Again, I know your just adding the sound effects because I am still ignoring you.

Licking: Now that you have figured out that I am still ignoring you, you are now going to try and ignore me. You are now trying to make it seem like you do not care that I am ignoring you, and that you are oblivious to the fact that I do not care. So, to try and keep yourself busy, your going to lick your feet. Or your whole leg. Or every part of your body that you can reach. And then when you're done that, you're going to lick your sister. Yes, I know that you are very dirty, but really? A full scale, self-service tongue-bath is just indecent.

Pawing: Finally, when you are fully bathed, you give the old-fashioned "paw you until you bleed" routine. Yes, its an oldie, and a form that even the simplest of dogs can employ, but you know that it is effective. Even if I put in ear plugs to drown out all of the noise that you make, I cannot ignore the RAKING of your nails along my skin. Or, (directed at Shelby) I cannot ignore the feeling of bruises growing on my skin because you are standing, full weight, on very delicate pressure points along my body.

By this time, I usually get up. Not only because it is impossible to get back to sleep without the aid of pharmaceuticals, but because I am usually laughing. Now, it bears being said that it is usually HEIDI who is the major culprit. I feel badly because I think I make it seem that it is really both...but alas, it is usually the demon dressed-like-an-angel, Heidi. However, Shelby isn't completely innocent. Once she realizes that I am awake, that's when she starts the "standing" on me (usually on my STOMACH or on my HIP), and then if the standing doesn't work, and Heidi is still working on waking me up, then she will start the "OHMYGODIHEARABURGLAR!!!" barking. She will sometimes, for dramatic effect, even jump off of the bed and run to the window insisting that there is someone in a ski-mask trying to break in. Give me a BREAK.

Now, some of you may be thinking "Oh, come on. That doesn't sound so bad. My dog(s) do/does MUCH worse!" Well, the Sheltie manipulation does not end with their desire to get me out of bed. Oh no sirree jim bob.

I am actually starting to think that I have little doggy-Jedi on my hands. They do not need to wave their hands to get me to suddenly (and amazingly) change my mind. They just need to give the "Sheltie eye" and my will immediately bends. Like how when I finally do get up (their doing) I have to pee so badly that it hurts. But mysteriously I find myself passing the human bathroom and walking to the door to outside to let them go first. Huh. Then, with my bladder finally empty I go into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. But no, I'm not going to turn on the kettle, I am going to the dog freezer, and am pulling out frozen patties. That's weird. And then later when my work is done and I am ready to curl up on the couch with a good book, miraculously I find myself instead with a tug-toy in my hand, and two Obi-wan Kenobi's tugging on the other ends. WHAT is going on? How did my dogs learn how to do this? Oh, wait. They're Shelties. Just like real Jedi, they are just BORN with these abilities. They have just spent the last 6 years perfecting their mind control. Well, Bravo girls. You've done it.

Just like with real Jedi, their path from Padawan Learner to Master was not an easy one. They not only needed to learn how to manipulate minds with superior skill, but they also need to show proficient skill with their weapons- "Mean Teeth", and physical agility to dodge hyper labs, chase rogue rabbits in the yard, and slalom through weave poles. My girls have now mastered all their skills. They can make me do just about anything that they want with just "the look", they can dispel even the largest rottweilers with a flash of their teeth and gums, and can even make it through an agility course to earn the first place title, while running with a completely incompetent handler. Congratulations my girls. Even though I will forever be sleep deprived, fed second, and have chronic bladder infections from being forced to hold it longer than usually acceptable, I am proud of you because I am your dog-mother. And I love your furry little manipulative heads.

Picture Perfect

(Editors note: OK, so the shelties and I are going to change things up a little bit. I know, I know. How can we change things if its only our second post? Well, after many discussions with the girls, and realizing that it is difficult to get them to really agree on anything (they are sisters, after all) I think that Im going to be posting about the trials, triumphs, and tribulations of the Rohan Shelties on a day to day basis. Now dont worry; the girls arent being left out. There will still be many sheltie interviews, but there will be even more silly stories of living with the worlds quirkiest shelties! Now, on with the show!)

Shelby's famous! My little girl, Shelby, just had her picture published in "Animal Wellness" magazine. The magazine is devoted to natural care of pets; they discuss nutrition, health, training and behavior and products to bring them all together. They're great advocates of raw feeding, holistic medicine and positive training. A few issues ago, they announced that they would be having their annual photo contest. They had many categories in which to enter, including: most athletic, best eyes, best nature lover etc. You could submit up to two photos pet pet, and submit them for a specific catergory or let the judges decide what category the photo fit into best. People have told me that some of my photos are really nice, and of course the shelties and I couldnt help but send some in, with the hopes that people would be able to see how beautiful naturally-reared dogs can be. So, the photos I chose were:

I emailed them in with a little bit of info about how they are raw fed and vaccine free, and what amazing girls they are. (Oh, and I mailed in some $20's. I mean...never mind)

Then, about a month ago, I came home to a message left on my machine from someone saying that Shelby's photo had WON!! She had won for the "Best Nature Lover" category!! The woman who left the message said that I had won some food (I think Shelby got the MOST excited when she heard FOOD) and left a number where I could call her back about the prize. (Shelby INSISTED that I call her back RIGHT THEN. If it has to do with food, she wants in!) The woman told me that Shelby had won some "Nature's Logic" dry food and treats. Now, I was familiar with the food as our friend Dawn carries it at her store "The Natural Dog" where we buy the shelties raw. But that was an issue: the girls are raw fed!

So, we haven't received anything yet, but Im going to keep the treats (Shelby deserves something for looking so pretty) and then donate the food. I'll see if Sheltie Rescue can use it, and if not, I'll bring it to the MSPCA down the road.

Now I bet you're wondering which picture won? At first, I wasnt sure...I just knew that it was obviously one of Shelbys. But which one? Well, I got the magazine yesterday and found out! I had been waiting and WAITING for the issue to come out, and was expecting to be thoroughly disappointed when I went to the mailbox yesterday. But then, I saw the shiney gleam of the glossy cover and knew that it came at last! I eagerly flipped through the cold pages with fumbling fingers until I found the "Photo Contest" section. I opened it up nice and wide, and saaaww....(drum roll please:)

TA DA!!

Then, when I was done gawping at how pretty my little girls looks in print, (and when I was done checking out her competition) I flipped to the front of the magazine to find out what else it contained. And thats where I was so pleased to find:

Shelby's on the contents page too!! Woo hoo!!

I just cannot be more happy. I have never, EVER won anything before. I mean, sure, my girls have won lots of agility ribbons, but thats due ONLY to THIER talent. Trust me, if you saw me on the course you'd KNOW that it is only the shelties ability to translate my flailing arms and mixed up signals that we win. But this time, it was the picture that I took that helped us win. I mean, of course, the picture is all about Shelby, but I feel like this time, I contributed.

And how is Heidi doing? Heidi is of course, a very sweet and gracious dog. She is not looking at it as though she lost, but is happy for her sister for winning. And Shelby has agreed to share come of her treats with Heidi. (But she was very hesitant to agree to this, because she found out that I was giving away the food!) I am very glad that although the girls can't seem to agree on whether toys or food is better, and they still cant sleep close to each other because they're herding dogs and therefore need their "space", it is really nice to see how much they love each other. I really am so lucky to have them both!

And though I love them more than anything, there is a bit of a problem. Shelby is...well, becoming a bit of a diva. And dont get me wrong, I dont think that it is really all her fault. See, shes always been very attached to my mom; and vice versa. So now, my mom has taken to giving Shelby even MORE attention and praise than usual. "Oh Shelby, you just walked into the kitchen. Have a cookie" "Oh Shelby, the light from the TV just hit your coat in just the right way...youre SO pretty...have ANOTHER cookie." "Oh Shelby, its so cold out side. Why dont you go pee on the rug so you dont catch a chill". Ok, the last one is a bit of an exhaggeration, but you get my point. Im going to have to start corraling the compliments before Shelby's head gets so big that she can't fit in her crate. OK, thats not true...Im not afraid of her head getting big...Just the rest of her, from all the cookies! Luckily she's the only dog that I know who will eat ANYTHING. And I mean anything. She will eat LETTUCE. She will eat the whole head of it, if she was left alone with it long enough. So, looks like I'll just be keeping an eye on what my mom is "dropping" by "accident". Although it will be hard to do when I have already hung up the picture on the fridge...and any other flat surface that I can find. What can I say? Im a proud mumma.

Food, toys, and the perils of snow

Hi there! So this is the girls first post. The deal is, they speak and I type. (Yes, I know theyre shelties, and they're brilliant, but there are just some things that paws cant do, so...here I am.) Alright girls, the floor is yours:

Heidi: Well, of COURSE the floor is ours. You humans spend all of your time on the cowch, or in the big dog bed. I mean, our toys are on the floor, and our beds are on the floor...
Shelby: Yeah, and we get to EAT things off the floor too. For some reason you humans don't do that. I mean, HELLO? It's FOOD! You can't just ignore it! It calls you... it taunts you. You humans just dont hear it. You know, come to think of it, you guys don't hear much. I mean, you dont bark to make the noisy things that live across the street go away. And you definitely dont puff yourself up to make the big trucks go back down the street. Whats that about?
Me: Well, girls, we DO hear them, it's just that we dont care as much. See, I know that the trucks are just turning around (we live on a dead-end street) and they will leave shortly. And sometimes, the trucks even leave things behind for us.
Heidi: You mean the trucks leave TOYS?!?!?!
Me: Well...sometimes...I guess...they leave things that we order or that are sent to us from other people.
Heidi: TOYS from other people?? I never remember seeing any toys though...hmmm. Thats a head scratcher...oooh, and it feels so good....I LOVE getting my head scratched...
Me: Heidi, are you purring again?
Heidi: Hmm, what? No, no. Not purring. We've had this discussion. I "happy growl". Yeah.
Shelby: Well, you know what? I REALLY growl. I show my teeth, and puff myself up and do my "rottweiler bark" to scare them away! Sure, maybe they do (very rarely) bring toys, but they NEVER bring food. And food is way more important, because its...well, its just way better!
Me: OK girls, before we get into the DAILY great debate of food vs. toys, is there something else you wanted to talk about in this blog? It is your first one, so it should be special.
Heidi: Yes, I have something to say.
Me: Remember, not something having to do with toys...
Heidi: Oh. Well, then...never mind.
Me: Shelby?
Shelby: Yes, I want to talk about the cold white stuff outside.
Heidi: Oh OH! I just thought of something!
Shelby: No you didnt, youre just trying to copy me! And I started!
Heidi: Yes, but Im older so I should get to say what I have to first! And what I want to say, is that the cold white stuff is STUPID. I mean, we are really sick of it! We already had some, and now we're getting more? What is going on? I mean, doesnt the person who makes the cold white stuff know that we get little icy balls in our beautiful, gorgeous, flowing hair? And dont they know how long it takes to pick them out of our beautiful, gorgeous, flowing hair?
Shelby: Well, thanks Heidi for totally interrupting me, but anyways...what I was going to say was that its very deep. And I cannot patrol the yard effectively when I have to bunny-hop through it! No one is going to be afraid of a puffed-up, barking, BUNNY-HOPPING sheltie! Even if they already know Im vicious. How am I supposed to chase the furry things out of the yard, or keep the noisy things away from our fence??
Me: Well, Shelby, I guess you're just going to have to rely on other means of intimidation until the snow melts.
Shelby: Hmmm. Other means. Yeah...like, how about I paint myself black and orange so that I LOOK like a rottweiler too! Yeah, and Heidi can pretend to be scared, and run away! And maybe, the "s-n-o-w" will get high eneough that I can JUMP the fence and actually CHASE the noisy things!
Me: No Shelby, those will not work. First, even if you paint yourself, rottweilers are not fluffy. Second, I will be going out there with you to make sure that you do not jump the fence. Im sorry...those we're good ideas...keep thinking, ok?
Heidi: And what about the ice-balls in our beaut...
Me: Yes, yes, I know about the snow balls in your hair. I'll just have to put you in the tub with warm water and
(Both girls jump up and scream):
THE TUB?!?!?!
Me: Oh shoot. Sorry, I didnt mean to say that outloud...
Heidi: (in a horrified whisper) you want to put us in there? Why? What have we done to you?!?!
Me: Well, its the most effective way of melting...
Shelby: No, we dont care. Im sorry, but this interview is over. We are not going in the (mouthing the words) "tub". I dont care if we turn into pup-sicles. No tub. No way. I'll...I'll...STARVE in protest!
Heidi: Yeah, and I...wont play ball! I wont even THINK about my ball! I wont even look for it...even though I know it is cleverly hidden under the back right corner of the chair...
Me: Riiiight...Good luck with both of those things girls. Well, now I know that the interview is over, Im going to go to the kitchen and make some lunch. Im going to try VERY HARD to not drop any chicken on the floor. And on my way back, Im going to NOT accidentally shift the chair, leaving your ball exposed.
Both girls: We hate you.
Me: But I looooove you!
Heidi: OK, we love you too, but please, PLEASE no tub!!
Shelby: Yeah, we love you...but do you really have to exploit the fact that even though we're perfect, brilliant, beautiful shelties, we're still dogs with no resolve?
Me: Yes. Yes I do. Now, lets go get some chicken and balls! No tub today...you guys will just have to pee quick to not let any snow balls get attached.
Shelby: Yeah, right. Like that'll be a problem. YOU try not peeing quick when its 10 degrees out there!
Heidi: Yeah, whatever Shelby. You're all talk. It could be 10 degrees BELOW zero out there, and you'll still want to stand around and eat poop!
Shelby: Shut UP Heidi! It's not my fault poop-sicles are so good!
Me: OK, girls, thats enough. On that disgusting note, I think your first blog is done. Ready to post?
Heidi: I am!
Shelby: Me too! Wait...can we edit out the whole poop-eating thing?
Me: No.